So, yea, taking a look at this annual report prepared by WP tells most of the story. I only published 4 posts during 2013 (not including this one) and one of them got a LOT of views (like over 300) and the whole site had 2000 views (say what??!!). This was a tough year for blogging for me. I’ve learned that blogging regularly doesn’t just take time, but focus. Focused time to write and, more so, focus on what to write about. And time to look up and verify and fact-check and confirm and track down sources for things I want to mention – and there just wasn’t time for that kind of work.
I could have written 100 posts this year – really I could have (think about it, I wrote 47 in 2012 in less than 6 months on just this blog, so not including the research one). So many things were and are floating around in my mind. A lot of them went in summary form on Facebook, shared only to my friends, not even as public statuses. I think I got intimidated by the exposure and attention I got. As an introvert, being in the limelight isn’t a comfortable space to be, so I was more than a little freaked out by it. I wanted to retreat to my cave – I even went off Facebook and Twitter for a week over the summer trying to recalibrate my social media presence. However I realized that there’s no going back to my limited exposure and relative obscurity. So I need to deal with it. But I’m still freaked out by the idea of this blog. What if it’s not “perfect”? What if somebody hates what I wrote? What if I got it “wrong” and hurt people? Who am I to write a blog about anything? The more other blogs and opinion sites I read (Crunk Feminist Collective, Mother Jones, Colorlines, and others whose names aren’t coming to mind — oh, yes, and my favorite queer, lay rabbi Irwin Keller!!), the more I realized that other folks who were writing about the same stuff I wrote about in this blog were just so much better. You should be reading THOSE people, not me! So, I got far more into sharing posts that I came across via Facebook and Twitter from those sources, so that those folks’ great insights and writing (a lot of which coming from womyn of color and queer people – and queer womyn of color) got more publicity. It’s hard enough for (queer) womyn of color and queer folks to have a platform and an audience. I didn’t think we needed to add another voice in competition for those same platforms and audiences. Maybe I’m wrong about that.
The other anxiety/preoccupation that overwhelmed me and kept me from my blog was wondering what I really should be writing about. I think my strongest urges to blog came from my own life experiences and the external situations that intersected with my family and work lives. Really deeply personal stuff sometimes whose publication would impact not just my life, but others in my family and friends. I don’t feel I have a right to share that and I am struggling with how to share what’s relevant for me and to me and about me without crossing those lines of other people’s right to privacy. And since I haven’t figured that out yet, I haven’t written anything here. I’m also careful not to use my blog as a space for passive-aggressive counterattacks – I save those for Facebook for audiences limited to the categories of “friends but not acquaintances” and the really painful stuff only goes to those in the “close friend” category. (Yea, sorry, if you’re just now realizing that you’re not in one or neither of those groups and you thought you were.) A lot of that stuff though does fit in the theme for this blog, “Reflections on faith, hope, and love.” I need to find a way to include it because it’s a part of who I am and shapes how I think.
Anyway, the point is that in 2014, I’m going to revive this blog and commit to post at least once a week. Will you help me stay on track to publish 52 posts in 2014? Will you send me ideas of stuff you want to hear me write about? What are your thoughts about my blogging-anxiety?
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,000 times in 2013. If it were a cable car, it would take about 33 trips to carry that many people.